walked up to my apartment door today and got absolutely destroyed by static electricity. like properly zapped. not the little tingle you get from socks, but the kind that makes you question if you’re being punished by some cosmic force for something you did in third grade.
and it’s always the same spots too. my car door handle. the grocery cart. that one doorknob at work. it’s like the universe assigned specific objects to just randomly assault me throughout the day. meanwhile my gf walks around like she’s made of rubber, completely immune.
the physics of being personally targeted
annoying thing is how it always happens when i’m already having a bad day. rushing late to work, here’s a shock to the hand that makes you drop your coffee. trying to impress someone, time for your hair to stand up like you stuck your finger in an outlet. it’s too convenient to be random.
i looked it up and apparently it’s about moisture and friction and whatever, but that doesn’t explain why some people are just walking lightning rods while others live shock free lives. feels like being allergic to buildings. like my body chemistry is fundamentally incompatible with modern civilization.
accepting my fate as a human tesla coil
now i do this weird thing where i touch everything with my knuckles first, like i’m some kind of electrical bomb defuser approaching my own front door. probably look insane but at least i’m not getting randomly electrocuted by my keys anymore.
guess this is just my life now. walking around like i’m carrying a secret electrical charge