moved into this new place once and the previous owner was apparently obsessed with ceiling fans. theres one in every room including the bathroom which feels illegal but whatever.
point is i never thought about ceiling fans until then but now i have very strong feelings about them and its weird how that happens.
first off why do they all have that one speed thats either barely moving air or hurricane simulator. theres no middle ground. its like someone designed them and was like people either want a gentle breeze or they want to feel like theyre in a wind tunnel testing facility.
i spent 20 minutes once trying to find the speed between nothing and my hair looking like im in a convertible commercial. doesnt exist.
also whoever decided ceiling fans needed lights attached clearly never lived with one. you turn on the light and suddenly your room is a disco because the fan blades are chopping up the light like some kind of seizure machine.
im trying to read and my book keeps going bright dark bright dark like morse code. and dont get me started on the little chains you pull to control everything. they give you exactly three inches of chain so you have to jump like youre playing basketball just to turn the thing off.
but the worst part is now i notice ceiling fans everywhere and judge them.
went to my friends house and his ceiling fan wobbles and i spent the whole time watching it like it was gonna fall and kill us both. dude probably thinks im weird now because i kept staring at the ceiling during dinner. cant help it though. once you live with good ceiling fans you cant unsee the bad ones.
its like how people become wine snobs except way dumber and more embarrassing.