watching someone quit the internet in real time

my buddy derek is doing this thing where he’s stepping back from social media which would be fine except he’s posted about it like 9 times since tuesday. first it was the announcement post with the sunset photo. then the update about how he already feels more present. then another one about how he’s reading … Read more

Suddenly i’m exhausted and it’s your fault

so i’m at the coffee shop feeling completely normal. like genuinely fine. maybe even good. had eight hours of sleep which for me is basically hibernation. showered. put on the shirt without the stain. i’m operating at peak performance here. then this person i sort of know from somewhere walks up and goes “wow you … Read more

my cat definitely knows something i don’t

i’m sitting there eating cereal this morning and my cat walks in, sits down 3 feet away, and just stares. not at my food. not at anything specific. just stares at me with this look like she’s collecting data for a report she’s gonna file later. and i’m thinking, what the hell does this thing … Read more

my mom was right about everything

so i’m standing in my kitchen at 11 pm holding a perfectly good container of leftover pasta and there’s literally no lid that fits it. none. i have seventeen lids in my drawer and they’re all for containers that apparently don’t exist anymore. it’s like my tupperware is going through a messy divorce and i’m … Read more