so i’m scrolling through zillow looking at cabins again like some kind of delusional mountain man. not even nice cabins. i’m talking about places that look like they smell like wet dog. but my brain sees a rusty roof and thinks” yeah that’s what i need. the fantasy always starts the same way i picture … Read more
so apparently laughter is “contagious” which sounds like something a scientist made up to explain why i giggle like an idiot every time someone else does. like my brain just gave up on independent thought and decided to follow the crowd. cool. anyway. i was watching this video where everyone was cracking up at something … Read more
so yeah. i panicked. i was 13, and there were girls around, and someone said “who wants to go tubing” and i just blurted out “yeah i can swim” like it was a job interview and i had a fake resume. i had never swam in my life. i mean i’d splashed around in the … Read more
this happened to me yesterday and im still thinking about it. my coworker was telling me some story about her weekend and i guess my brain just decided to take a little vacation halfway through. like one second shes talking about going to her sisters house and the next thing i know im nodding and … Read more
i have a system and it works for me but apparently its not normal human behavior. every sunday and wednesday night around 11pm i take my trash to the curb because thats when i remember to do it and also when i dont have to make small talk with other people who are also taking … Read more
every time i look at the moon it’s in a different place. and no one’s talking about it. i’ll be walking home one night and it’s doing that big dramatic full circle spotlight thing like “hey i’m here.” then the next day it’s a faint half thumbprint hiding behind a cloud. what are you doing … Read more
got an uber home from the airport yesterday and gave the guy my address and he just stared at me like i told him to drive to narnia or something. then he starts typing it into his gps super slowly like he’s fact checking me. dude i live there i think i know where my … Read more
so i was cleaning out my moms basement and found this notebook from middle school that i completely forgot existed. apparently 12 year old me thought he was some kind of philosopher or something because every entry starts with stuff like “today i realized something important about life” and then its just complete nonsense about … Read more
walking my dog last night and looked up at this house at the exact wrong moment. there was this woman just standing in her kitchen window and we both froze like we got caught doing something illegal. she was probably just washing dishes or whatever but now we both have to live with the fact … Read more
just saw a thing about how call of duty got pulled from game pass because hackers were using it to take over people’s computers. like. literally. one second you’re getting sniped on omaha beach and the next some dude named probably like xXglockMOM420Xx is opening your command prompt and changing your desktop to something deeply … Read more