so my friend texts me this long thing about how hes going through a rough breakup and needs someone to talk to and without thinking i just hit the thumbs up emoji and sent it. like my brain saw “emotional support needed” and went “yep sounds good” with a little cartoon hand now im sitting … Read more
theres like 17different ways people type “haha” and apparently we all decided on our version in middle school and just stuck with it forever. some people do “haha” which is normal. some people do “hahaha” like they need to really convince you they thought it was funny. then you have the “lol” people who gave … Read more
look flirting is not a skill i possess. i don’t have “game.” sure i have my moments but even those are inconsistent. if i try to be smooth, it’s like watching a raccoon try to use chopsticks. just confusion and loud noises and then something gets knocked over so yeah. there was this girl. she … Read more
everyone needs to calm down about water. cant scroll through anything anymore without someone reminding me to drink water like im a houseplant they forgot about for a week. my phone sends me notifications about hydration, my fitness app judges my water intake, and my coworker has made it her personal mission to monitor my … Read more
you can tell everything you need to know about a person by whether they put their shopping cart back or just leave it in the parking lot like some kind of abandoned metal animal. this is not an opinion this is science putting your cart back is the ultimate test of human decency because literally … Read more
“where the hell is my other sock.” “okay but why would they lie about that.” “i should start a band. maybe noise jazz.” “alexa, stop listening. i’m serious this time.” “who keeps moving my toaster.” “if i fall asleep now i’ll still be tired but in a different way.” “i’m not googling it. i’m not. … Read more
i don’t have a plan. this isn’t a brand. i’m not building anything. i just kept having too many opinions with nowhere to put them, and eventually typing into a box felt slightly less unhinged than yelling into my notes app. so now there’s a blog. congrats to all of us. i’m not here to … Read more