so i’m scrolling through zillow looking at cabins again like some kind of delusional mountain man. not even nice cabins. i’m talking about places that look like they smell like wet dog. but my brain sees a rusty roof and thinks” yeah that’s what i need.
the fantasy always starts the same way
i picture myself waking up at dawn, brewing coffee in some cast iron thing, maybe growing a beard that doesn’t look patchy. i’ll chop wood shirtless even though i’ve never successfully split a log and the one time i tried i almost took my foot off. but dream kurt is this rugged guy who knows which berries are poisonous and can fix a generator with his bare hands.
the whole thing falls apart when i remember i get rageful when my wifi cuts out for 30 seconds. like what am i gonna do when the nearest starbucks is two hours away and i have to poop in an outhouse. my idea of roughing it is staying at a hotel without room service.
but the daydream keeps coming back
maybe it’s not really about the cabin. maybe it’s about the version of myself i think i’d become if i just removed enough variables from my life. like if i eliminate doordash and netflix and the ability to buy things i don’t need, i’ll automatically transform into someone who reads books and does pushups and doesn’t spend 20 minutes trying to decide what to watch before giving up and scrolling tiktok instead.
which is probably the dumbest logic ever but here i am bookmarking listings for places i’ll never visit, let alone buy. at least the real estate agents probably think i’m serious.