i’m texting this friend about meeting up later and i type “kurt will be there at 8” except my phone decides that’s wrong. it autocorrects to kevin. kevin will be there at 8. i’ve had this phone 3 years and typed my own name probably ten thousand times and it still thinks i mean kevin. like it’s been waiting this whole time to tell me i’ve been wrong about who i am.
i checked the settings and apparently kevin is in my contacts from 2019. some dude i bought a couch from on craigslist. one interaction. one sketchy parking lot furniture exchange. and now his name has priority over mine in my own phone. every time i type kurt it hesitates for a second like “you sure you don’t mean that guy with the stained ikea sectional.
this is like when your mom calls you by your brother’s name except it’s a machine doing it so there’s no excuse. it’s pure data saying you’re less relevant than kevin. i went back through my texts and found 12 times this month where i sent “kevin is running late” or “kevin thinks that’s dumb” and nobody said anything. either they think i’m doing a bit or they’ve just accepted that sometimes i refer to myself in third person as kevin.
still i can’t even be that mad because kevin gave me a pretty good deal on that couch. thing’s held up great. still use it every day. so now every time my phone corrects kurt to kevin i think about that couch and how maybe kevin deserves this. maybe he earned it.
anyway i’m not fixing it in the settings. feels like we’re too deep now.