i don’t care what anyone says. eating a banana in public feels like a crime. like even if you’re doing it by the book, straight bite, no eye contact, no weird peeling, it still feels like everyone’s watching you. like they’re all silently judging your potassium choices. and honestly? they probably are. i know i … Read more
found glitter on my couch recently and i have no explanation for how it got there which is honestly terrifying. like i live alone and the last craft project i did was in middle school when i made that volcano that barely erupted. so where did this glitter come from and why is it specifically … Read more
theres this ice cream truck that comes through my street every tuesday around 4 and whoever picked the music for this thing clearly has never seen a horror movie or has seen way too many. its supposed to be that classic ice cream truck song but something is deeply wrong with it. like the speakers … Read more
clicked on twitter yesterday and my brain immediately went nope and closed it before i could even see what fresh hell was happening. like some kind of digital survival instinct kicked in and was like dude you dont need this energy in your life right now. probably saved myself from getting mad about something that … Read more
checked my uber rating last week and its 4.7 which apparently makes me a slightly below average human being. like somewhere out there are drivers giving me three stars for existing in their car wrong. what did i do. breathe too loud. not make enough small talk. make too much small talk. sit in the … Read more
every single transaction ends with this dramatic pause where the cashier looks at you like youre about to choose between saving a burning orphanage or your own mother. “do you want your receipt.” its always said with this weight like they just asked if you believe in god or something. and then you have to … Read more
i’m this guy at the grocery store absolutely lose his mind over romaine prices yesterday. like full on staring at the produce section having a crisis. dude just froze in shock. i get it though. vegetables are stupid expensive now. out of curiosity, i looked into growing my own. ended up scrolling hydroponic gardens like … Read more
moved into this new place once and the previous owner was apparently obsessed with ceiling fans. theres one in every room including the bathroom which feels illegal but whatever. point is i never thought about ceiling fans until then but now i have very strong feelings about them and its weird how that happens. first … Read more
airports are where logic goes to die. like the second you walk through the sliding doors, it’s just nuts. people suddenly forget how lines work. they just stand there in clusters like confused pigeons. and every guy in cargo shorts thinks he’s the only one who’s ever had to take his laptop out of a … Read more
so my sister calls me yesterday crying because her cat knocked over the litter box again and there’s litter everywhere and she’s having people over soon. i’m half listening because i’m trying to play elden ring but then she says i should just get one of those robot ones and now suddenly i’m invested. 20 … Read more