who are these people. like genuinely who are you. you wake up and your first thought is “yeah i’m gonna violently bounce around outside for 45 minutes and then feel good about it.” what is wrong with you i’ve tried it. i’ve done the thing. i put on the little shorts and the playlist that … Read more
there’s something deeply broken in me. because i can’t just listen to things at a normal, acceptable volume. no. i have to tweak it. constantly. by like one notch. back and forth. forever. like some weird little audio gremlin trying to unlock the exact hertz that makes my brain go “yes. now we live.” and … Read more
so i was at my buddy’s place last week and he’s showing me this new tv he got, like really proud of it. 65 inches, some brand i’d never heard of. and while he’s going on about refresh rates and color accuracy, i’m just sitting there thinking about how my dad used to do the … Read more
went to get coffee yesterday and this girl spent 15 minutes setting up the perfect shot of her latte. moved it three different times to catch the light better. asked her friend to take like 20 photos from different angles while other people waited behind them to order. the barista looked dead inside which honestly … Read more
so last week i caught myself googling “best birdseed brands” and that was when i knew something had shifted. like when you’re a kid and you think adults who watch birds are the most boring people alive and then suddenly you’re late 30s and wondering if cardinals prefer sunflower seeds or millet. what the hell … Read more
i don’t like smoothies. there. i said it. but for some reason, i keep acting like i do. i’ll be in a group and someone’s like “ooh let’s get smoothies” and i’m nodding like hell yeah i’m a berry boy let’s ride. then i spend nine dollars on what is basically cold fruit soup and … Read more
so my brother in law bought these powerblock things and now i can’t stop thinking about how they look like someone 3d printed weights in minecraft. like if you asked an ai to draw dumbbells but it only knew squares. he sends me this video of him using them and i’m just staring at these … Read more
theres this spot on my street thats like the perfect size for a normal car but apparently triggers some kind of primal panic in half the people who try to use it. i work from home now so i get to watch this tragic comedy show every day from my window while pretending to be … Read more
look i’m not saying trivia night itself is bad. it’s fine. it’s fine the way brunch is fine. the way escape rooms are fine. i just think if you build your personality around being slightly better than people at remembering which state has the most lighthouses, you should have to register that somewhere. like a … Read more
so my gf sends me this reel of someone making chicken nuggets and pizza at the same time in what looked like a fancy microwave. turns out it was this ninja double oven thing. like this thing has two separate ovens that can sync up and finish cooking at the same time. found it here: … Read more