so apparently yesterday i decided i was going to become one of those people who does yoga and now theres a purple mat sitting in my living room like evidence of a crime i dont remember committing. i have no recollection of the thought process that led to this purchase but my bank account says … Read more
so my friend texts me this long thing about how hes going through a rough breakup and needs someone to talk to and without thinking i just hit the thumbs up emoji and sent it. like my brain saw “emotional support needed” and went “yep sounds good” with a little cartoon hand now im sitting … Read more
theres like 17different ways people type “haha” and apparently we all decided on our version in middle school and just stuck with it forever. some people do “haha” which is normal. some people do “hahaha” like they need to really convince you they thought it was funny. then you have the “lol” people who gave … Read more
so i was in one of those weird youtube loops where you start watching a guy restore a rusty axe and somehow end up on shower installation videos. don’t ask me how the algorithm decided that was my journey but there i was, watching some dude in cargo shorts explain water pressure like it was … Read more
it wasn’t even a nice bathroom. that’s the thing. this wasn’t some five star hotel powder room with like gold faucets and ambient lighting. no. this was like a gas station situation. tile floor that looked like it survived a flood. kind of place where the air smells like paper towels and broken trust and … Read more
so i’m sitting here realizing i haven’t had water since yesterday and i’m scrolling through tiktok because that’s how i cope with dehydration and this girl is holding a water bottle that’s literally glowing at her. like pulsing blue light, alien communication style. and she’s all “my smart water bottle saved my skin” and i’m … Read more
so my dad calls me yesterday. he’s like “hey what’s this bitcoin thing your cousin is always posting about on facebook”. and i was like oh yeah sure i can explain that. which was immediately a mistake because the second i started talking i realized i have no idea what im actually saying. like i … Read more
look flirting is not a skill i possess. i don’t have “game.” sure i have my moments but even those are inconsistent. if i try to be smooth, it’s like watching a raccoon try to use chopsticks. just confusion and loud noises and then something gets knocked over so yeah. there was this girl. she … Read more
everyone needs to calm down about water. cant scroll through anything anymore without someone reminding me to drink water like im a houseplant they forgot about for a week. my phone sends me notifications about hydration, my fitness app judges my water intake, and my coworker has made it her personal mission to monitor my … Read more
was deep in a youtube hole watching some guy make tiny helmets for his hamsters when the algorithm decided i needed to see a 3d printer time-lapse. you know the ones where the thing just appears layer by layer like magic. anyway this dude was printing a perfect miniature castle and i got this weird … Read more