you can tell everything you need to know about a person by whether they put their shopping cart back or just leave it in the parking lot like some kind of abandoned metal animal. this is not an opinion this is science putting your cart back is the ultimate test of human decency because literally … Read more
just saw someone’s tiktok where they’re dehydrating like 30 pounds of strawberries and i got this weird pang of envy. like who are these people who see fruit on sale and think better preserve this for the apocalypse instead of eating it all in one sitting while watching netflix. anyway that’s how i ended up … Read more
so we’re in this team meeting and my manager is going on about targets and she says something about how we need to “hit our numbers” and without thinking i go “yeah we really need to make it count” which is obviously a terrible math pun but my brain thought it was genius dead silence. … Read more
“where the hell is my other sock.” “okay but why would they lie about that.” “i should start a band. maybe noise jazz.” “alexa, stop listening. i’m serious this time.” “who keeps moving my toaster.” “if i fall asleep now i’ll still be tired but in a different way.” “i’m not googling it. i’m not. … Read more
i don’t have a plan. this isn’t a brand. i’m not building anything. i just kept having too many opinions with nowhere to put them, and eventually typing into a box felt slightly less unhinged than yelling into my notes app. so now there’s a blog. congrats to all of us. i’m not here to … Read more