every 6 weeks i go to this place and get my hair cut. and every 6 weeks mike the barber tries to convince me that my life will be completely different if i just buy some pomade.
like dude, im not trying to become a male model. but mike always does this thing where he’s cutting my hair and goes “you know what would really make this pop” and then he starts talking about texture paste or sea salt spray like these are life changing discoveries.
he says it with such confidence that for a second i actually consider it.
like maybe i am one hair product away from being that cool guy in a magazine. maybe if i spend 30 dollars on something called fiber cream ill finally understand how to fold fitted sheets or remember to change my air filter. mike makes it sound so simple. just run a little of this through your hair and suddenly youll be the guy who meal preps and knows what thread count means.
but then i remember that i am fundamentally the same person who forgot to do laundry until im wearing swim shorts to work because it was the only clean thing left.
no amount of styling gel is going to fix that.
mike doesnt know that i once ate cereal with a fork because i didnt want to wash a spoon. hair products arent going to bridge that gap.
last time he tried to sell me something called molding clay and i was like, mike my hair barely cooperates with gravity let alone clay. but i bought it anyway because saying no to mike feels like telling a kid that santa isnt real.
now its sitting in my bathroom cabinet next to the other products ive never opened. maybe one day ill use them all at once and become whoever mike thinks i can be.