so i was in one of those weird youtube loops where you start watching a guy restore a rusty axe and somehow end up on shower installation videos.
don’t ask me how the algorithm decided that was my journey but there i was, watching some dude in cargo shorts explain water pressure like it was the meaning of life. and then this thing shows up in the sidebar – the veken wide rain shower head – and suddenly i’m having thoughts about my shower situation that i didn’t know were possible.
found it here if you’re curious:
the thing is, i’ve been using the same crusty shower head since i moved in three years ago. it’s one of those sad little plastic ones that sprays water like it’s offended.
half the holes are clogged with whatever mineral deposits form when you ignore basic maintenance for 36 months. the water comes out at weird angles like it’s trying to write cursive in the air. and i just accepted this as normal life. like yeah, this is how showers work, you stand there while water passive-aggressively drips on parts of your body.
but then i’m looking at this veken thing with its 11.8 inch rain head and suddenly i’m realizing that some people out there are living completely different lives. they’re standing under what’s basically a chrome dinner plate that makes it rain indoors on purpose.
and it’s got this handheld thing with six modes which feels excessive but also now i’m wondering what i’ve been missing. like what does massage mode even mean in shower terms. is it just angry water. because that’s what my current shower already does for free.
the extension arm
there’s this adjustable arm thing that lets you change the height and angle and i’m thinking about all the times i’ve done that weird shower crouch because the head is mounted at chest level for some reason. like whoever installed mine was either 4 feet tall or just wanted everyone to suffer.
and apparently this veken thing just fixes that. you can make it taller. you can angle it. revolutionary technology that we’ve apparently had since forever but nobody told me about.
i saw this one review where someone said they installed it in five minutes and i’m calling bs on that because i once tried to change a shower head and somehow flooded my bathroom and had to call my cousin who does actual plumbing. he showed up and fixed it in literally 30 seconds while making fun of me.
chrome finish and other lies we tell ourselves
the whole chrome finish thing is funny to me because every bathroom product is either chrome, matte black, or oil-rubbed bronze like those are the only three materials that exist in the bathroom dimension.
and everyone acts like it matters so much but realistically you’re in there with soap in your eyes most of the time anyway. but i get it, you want your shower to look like it belongs in a hotel where they fold the towels into swans.
then there’s reviews about how the water pressure was so strong it was blowing their shower curtain around. that’s the kind of problem i want to have. my current shower can barely push shampoo down the drain.
sometimes i have to help it along with my foot like i’m operating a very sad water pump. but this person is out here dealing with hurricane force shower situations and complaining about it. must be nice.
who is this really for though
honestly this feels like it’s for people who have given up on finding happiness in big things and have decided that small bathroom upgrades are where joy lives now. like you can’t fix your career or your relationships but you can have water fall on you from a bigger circle and somehow that’s enough.
and you know what, maybe it is. maybe we’ve been overthinking happiness this whole time and it was always just about water pressure.
or it’s for people who watch those home renovation shows and think they’re gonna transform their whole bathroom but then realize that costs like 15 grand so they buy a new shower head instead and call it a day.
which is probably the smarter move honestly. you get 80% of the fancy shower feeling for like 2% of the cost. that’s just math.
i keep thinking about the person who wrote that they’ve never left a review before but felt compelled to for this shower head. what kind of shower experience makes someone break their review silence.
like they’ve been lurking on amazon for years, reading other people’s opinions, staying quiet through purchases of phone cases and kitchen gadgets and probably some embarrassing stuff they ordered.
but this shower head.
this was the one that made them speak up. respect.
the tool-free installation thing is clearly aimed at people like me who don’t own tools and don’t want to own tools. every time something says you need tools it’s basically saying you need to text that one friend who has a toolbox and pretend you haven’t been avoiding their calls for three months.
but this thing comes with everything you need which is smart because they know their audience is people googling “how to install shower head without calling dad.”
yeah okay fine
look i’m not gonna lie, after spending way too much time reading about this thing and watching installation videos, i kinda get why people are into it. there’s something weirdly appealing about the idea of standing under a big rain disk and pretending you’re in a fancy hotel or a waterfall or whatever fantasy helps you get through your morning routine.
and having a handheld thing for washing your dog or cleaning the tub or just holding dramatically while you contemplate life seems useful.
the anti-leak technology is probably just a rubber washer but they make it sound like nasa engineering and honestly good for them. market that washer. make people feel like they’re buying spacecraft technology for their bathroom. we all need to believe in something.
if my gf randomly bought one of these i’d probably use it and never mention that i noticed the upgrade. just silently enjoy better water pressure while maintaining my reputation as someone who doesn’t care about these things.
that’s the dream really – accidentally benefiting from other people’s consumer choices without having to make any myself.